Hmm... How to start on tis one? Ok, lets try tis a'ite? Remember when we 're still kids, when mommy gave us our 1st try of candies or chocolates, just to let us know what it tasted like? And then we started to ask for more but mommy won't let us have more and we started to scream our lungs out, crying for more candies but we didn't get more of it cos mommy said its gonna make our teeth rotten & ugly? But mommy did promise to give some next time... So, we anticipated for the "next time" candy and chocolate session... Wat i'm feeling is kinda same like wanting those candies and chocolate but i wasn't anticipating, i'm feeling more to missing something or someone...
And the fact is, i still missed the same damn person who broke my heart last September... Damn him... Try as i may to forget, hell, even to despise him for wat he did to me, i can't ignore the fact tat i still miss him... Stupid rite? So much for the effort i tried so hard to forget what happened but it's not tat easy... Why its not easy...? cos i heard his name on the radio... I saw his name on tv, billboards, signboards, the internet... Hell, even at work his name constantly came up... Every single day... So imagine my willpower trying to at least ease my mind and heart off of him but that's what happen to me... At one point, i even tried to hate him but i'm not that kind of person... I can only reminisce our great, happy memories together... I made a mental reminder to myself everyday that this is the guy who made 1001 excuses to get out of our relationship when he was the one who started everything and then ruined it just like that... I tried so hard to push the guilty feeling for which i know i'm not to be blame, well not for everything at least, that i've never ask him to commit anything and that i just want to work out our relationship, period... And for sure i never question his whereabouts and trust but somehow he just said the relationship is not gonna work out just the way we both wanted it... Which really taken me aback cos he never really put any effort to save our so-called relationship...
Then reality hit me hard when i finally realized it was never been me who has a problem with the so-called relationship but it was always him... I put the effort to save whatsoever left of the relationship but you can't save anything or anyone alone, can you? It's just like going into a battlefield alone without your team behind you and they just watch u fall... I was devastated cos i told him time and time again don't take me for granted and made me an experiment for his personal issues but he assured me he's not... and like a puppy i just believe and listened to him... So, it looks like i was in a one-sided mutual feeling relationship that's going nowhere... And still, after knowing all these, i still can't bring myself to despise him... Silly girl... Hence, my post title today... How to make this feelings go away...? The more i try not to think about it, the more frenzier my feelings became... Huuhhh... I think i need an anti-stress pill or a vacay A.S.A.P... Ciao my peeps...
